<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The angel's jump. by herilaveur</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629093">The angel's jump.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur'>herilaveur</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SKAM (France)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:09:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,803</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Today Eliott is 20 years old, and he has only one thing in mind: committing suicide.</p><p>Everything has become too hard and it's better to end it than to go on living like this.</p><p>So he decides to jump off a bridge. He has only one thing to do today: take the angel's jump and die.</p><p>But the universe decided otherwise...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Drop everything.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I put a warning of violence, but it will not go any further than the violence of suicide described in this chapter (so nothing violent in description, no blood or fights, but psychological violence and the mention of suicide... it's already quite a lot). </p><p>It's true that I don't often put warnings, but I thought it was necessary to put one. </p><p>If you're still there...let's go!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The angel's jump...</em>
</p><p>In those darkest days, Eliott often wondered why it was called <em>the angel's jump</em>.</p><p>Since he's an idiot, he thought it was because it's the last jump you make before you die. At least that's what's going to happen to him. But google disappointed him, teaching him that it's only because the position of the arms spread out like wings makes it look like an angel is flying. Eliott doesn't want to look like an angel. Not that they believe in angels anyway. </p><p>When he was little, he rolled his eyes every time his mother said <em>"thank you angel"</em> when she got a parking space, won a game of chance or narrowly escapes an accident.</p><p>
  <em>''We all have an angel to protect us, Eliott. He follows you throughout your life to help you discreetly when you need it. It's little things, but it makes your life better.''</em>
</p><p>Eliott sighs thinking about this as he walks through the streets of Paris. It's eight o'clock, and the sun barely sets. The people around Eliott all look happy. They are smiling, some are laughing, some are holding hands, there are even couples kissing. And once again, Eliott has the impression that he is the only one who is not well. His angel must have realized that he was a hopeless case a long time ago, because in Eliott's life there are no small joys, there is only a long list of failures: his schooling, his love life, the love his parents have for him,  his mental health...his future...</p><p>Eliott shakes his head, taking the thought out of his head. Eliott has no future. June 25, 2000 - June 25, 2020, sounds good, doesn't it?  A<em> ''happy birthday.''</em> resounds in his head, as if someone else wished him and Eliott sighs, feeling even crazier. </p><p>Today he's 20 years old. He has no degree, no job, no love life, and his parents hate him. He hasn't seen them in a year and a half, and he can never see them again. He had hit his mother and he will never forgive himself. He was drugged and manic but that's no excuse. She just wanted to help him and he hit her, sending her to the ground. When he closes his eyes, he still sees the look his mother gave him that day: the frightened look of a victim who is afraid of her attacker. A mother should never feel this way. His mother didn't deserve to feel this way.</p><p>She always supported him, told him year after year that his bipolarity should not define his life and that he could have a happy life, but she was wrong. He can never have a happy life. So he zoned from neighborhood to neighborhood, always ending up fighting with other guys or girls and leaving the neighborhood for another. </p><p>And then six months ago, he saw his mother walk right past him. She was walking along the banks of the Seine. She looked at him and Eliott is certain: she didn't recognize him. It seems that a mother always recognizes her children, and yet his own mother didn't recognize him. It created a fucking electroshock in his whole body. After that, he decided to get out of it. To rebuild his life before going back to his parents so he could show them that they could be proud of him. But the more rejections he received in order to find a job, the more Eliott's motivation diminished. </p><p>And six months later, nothing has changed. He still sleeps on the street, eats as much as he can, steals to survive, and does drugs to forget all that crap. He's just a shadow of his former self and now it's just too hard. Eliott walks to the middle of the bridge called "new bridge". Why this one? Eliott doesn't really know. Maybe his name is a fucking irony? It's the oldest bridge in Paris and it's called ''new bridge''. Maybe because he often passed there when he was a kid? Maybe because he likes Leos Carax's movie, which takes place here. Or maybe it's just a coincidence after all. Even he doesn't really know.</p><p>Eliott sits on the edge of the bridge and lets his legs dangle in the void. He turns his head to look at the people crossing, in cars, on scooters or on foot, not giving a damn about the weird guy who is about to jump into the Seine. He knows he's scary because of his hair and beard that eats half his face, and that most people prefer to look away, afraid that Eliott will get angry if he looks at him too long. Which has happened, sometimes. These people look at you not to help you, but to tell themselves that compared to you they are doing well. At least, that's how Eliott always felt. </p><p>In some films, people feel completely transparent, as if the people around them don't see them. If Eliott could have made a film, he would have probably told a story like that. The story of a person, perhaps a creature, that no one can see. Except a person. It would have been nice if a person would have approached that creature without being afraid and tried to understand it. They could fall in love and live happily. Eliott smiles because it reminds him of Polaris, the short film he wanted to direct when he was seventeen. That was three years ago and yet it seems so far away. At that time, he had plans, a girlfriend and parents who pushed him to do his best.</p><p>Eliott shakes his head, refusing to think about everything he has lost, and stands up. Happy endings only happen in movies. It must be 8:30 p.m., he's standing on a bridge in the middle of Paris and no one pays the slightest attention to him. He raises his head to the sky and turns around before letting himself fall backwards.</p><p>He has just performed his last action on earth: The angel's jump.</p><p>At least it would have been the case if he had jumped facing the water. But Eliott didn't want to see the impact before he felt it and above all, he wanted to die looking up at the sky. It's not that he believes in heaven, and anyway, Eliott is no angel, but tonight's sky is so beautiful that it is surely the most beautiful thing to look at before you die.</p><p>
  <em>The angel's jump...</em>
</p><p>Eliott hadn't really understood this expression until that very moment. </p><p>The moment he sees him. </p><p>A guy jumped off the bridge just a few seconds after him and looks him straight in the eye. He looks like an angel trying to catch him while another guy is screaming, probably from the top of the bridge.</p><p>''Lucas, no!''</p><p>Eliott panics and curls up on himself just before his body hits the water, only one thought manages to form before he gets lost in complete darkness.</p><p>
  <em>Who is Lucas and why did he jump?</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tomorrow it will be Lucas' pov... I alternate Eliott/Lucas in each chapter...</p><p>So...What do you think about it?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Not give up.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>"Lucas no!!"</p><p>Yann's voice breaks the silence as Lucas looks at the body of the guy hitting the water. He cowered on himself at the last moment, avoiding a dish that would have been fatal and Lucas feels immediately relieved. The moment Lucas' hands touch the water, closely followed by his whole body, he thinks of nothing. He doesn't even regret having jumped. He will never be able to explain why he did it, but he doesn't regret it. </p><p>He was walking with his friends, talking about the party they were going when he saw this guy standing on one of the pillars of the bridge. From where he was standing, he couldn't really see his face in detail, but he felt like he could feel all his sadness. So he tried to walk faster so he could get to him and ask him if he could help him. </p><p>He doesn't know why he didn't yell "stop" or "don't do that". Maybe because he didn't believe he would do it until he saw him fall backwards. Lucas crossed the bridge, narrowly avoiding a car before jumping off. He saw the surprise on his face damaged by alcohol, drugs and probably negligence, but most of all he saw his eyes. He will never know why, but the moment their eyes met, he knew he was exactly where he was supposed to be.</p><p>Lucas felt his breathing suddenly stop when he entered the water. He's not even a very good swimmer, not like Arthur. His whole body freezes at once and for a few seconds he just lets himself go down into the water without being able to move. He opens his eyes, but it's too dark and the water is too cloudy so he can't see anything. Yet something tells him that he's not far away. So instead of trying to get to the surface, he dives deeper, moving his arms and legs around as much as possible. His eyes burn from being open in the water, yet he can't see anything. He can't just have dived for nothing, it's not possible. His lungs are starting to burn and he knows he won't last much longer but he keeps looking around. </p><p>It's worse than a needle in a haystack.</p><p>Lucas kicks his way to the surface and his foot hits something so he immediately turns around and search, going deeper and deeper. A light illuminates the water and that's when he sees him. In two kicks, he's close enough to be able to grab it from the back of his jacket. He pulls it towards him and then tries to beat his feet as hard as he can to get back up towards the light, but the higher he goes up, the more he feels that the water surface is moving away. He starts to panic and moves around all over the place, but doesn't let go of the lifeless body of this guy who is trying to drag him down.</p><p>Just as he can't hold on any longer and opens his mouth, letting the water in, his hand hits the surface of the water. He coughs, pulling the brown guy's head out of the water.</p><p>''There! There, damn it! Lucas!"</p><p>Lucas hears Basile's voice but he can't even see where he is. A construction site light blinds him and he can't see anything that's going on around them, it's as if now everything is too bright for him.The only thing he sees clearly,  that the guy in his arms with his head hanging to the side and looking like he's dead, so Lucas panics and hits him on the cheek.</p><p>''Wake up. Wake up, damn it."</p><p>Lucas knows he can't stop kicking his feet in the water but his strength is starting to run out. He can't raise his head to look up at the top of the bridge or look towards the bank where Yann shouts that help is coming. And now, right now, he needs this guy regained consciousness and help them stay above the water. </p><p>"Wake up. Please. Not give up."</p><p>Lucas knows he should check his pulse. But what should he do if he doesn't feel anything? Should he stay with a dead guy in his arms and regret all his life not screaming at him not to jump? Should he let him go and sink? And even if his heart stops beating, maybe the paramedics can revive him, right? Or is it really too late? Lucas doesn't want to think about it so he prefers not to check and he just holds it against him, his arm under the guy's arms. And frankly, it seems that his rib cage is lifting, but Lucas is not really sure.</p><p>''Come on, help me. Please."</p><p>His strength diminishes and the cold envelops him immediately. If it were December, they would probably both freeze to death. Finally, fortunately it is the end of June. Arthur shouts something and Lucas realizes that he had closed his eyes and that he was starting to let go of the inert body so he catches him with a sharp blow.</p><p>The guy immediately starts spitting out water before he starts vomiting and Lucas really has to hold himself back so he doesn't vomit too. The guy looks around and then their eyes meet and he starts to cry.</p><p>''Hey, it's okay. Look, it's over, they're coming to save us."</p><p>Lucas shows him the red boat that is coming right in front of him, gently enough so as not to hurt them.</p><p>''Who says I want to be saved?''</p><p>Lucas shrugs his shoulders and squeezes him a little closer because the guy starts to sink, the water licking his chin.</p><p>''Me?"</p><p>The guy looks at him without saying anything and then looks up to the sky.</p><p>''I guess I have to admit that angels do exist.''</p><p>If he could do that, Lucas would laugh and make fun of him, but he can barely keep his eyes open. His body goes numb again and he moves his head to try to stay awake.</p><p>''Maybe yeah. But I swear I'm real. Hey, open your eyes. Oh ! Stay with me !"</p><p>He opens his eyes again, looking totally exhausted. The boat stops right next to them and Lucas pushes him so that the firemen can get to him first, before they get hauled into the boat. He immediately starts snapping his teeth and finds himself undressed and wrapped in several blankets and a survival blanket before he has time to realize what is happening.</p><p>He looks at the guy he just saved, sitting right in front of him, head in his hands, not knowing if he should be happy or not to have been saved.</p><p>''Are you okay?"</p><p>The guy raises his head and shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''Why did you do that?''</p><p>Lucas feels the eyes of all the firefighters on him, but the only thing he's looking at are the night-blue eyes of the guy sitting across from him.</p><p>''I don't know. I had to do it."</p><p>The guy nods and smiles.</p><p>''Thank you angel."</p><p>Then he breaks down in tears in the arms of the fireman next to him. As soon as they dock, the firefighters help him out, and Lucas sees his friends screaming behind three policemen who are blocking their way, visibly wanting to join him. A woman firefighter pushes him slightly to the side so she can get the guy into a truck. And that's when Lucas realizes that he doesn't even know his name.</p><p>''Wait ! What's your name?"</p><p>The guy frowns and shakes his head, but Lucas grabs his hand.</p><p>''What's your name. Please."</p><p>His dark eyes look at him and Lucas wonders if they've always been that color. Is it blue, green or gray? He has no idea, but what he does know is that he can't break that connection. The guy sighs and puts his head down, as if he's thinking.</p><p>''Eliott. My name is Eliott Demaury."</p><p>Lucas smiles with tears in his eyes without really knowing why. The firefighters signal him to back off and close the truck.</p><p>''Eliott.''</p><p>Lucas whispers it, as if to be impregnated with it, as the truck starts and drives away, all sirens blaring.</p><p>''Come on, kid, you too.'' Orders the fireman to show him a second truck.</p><p>''No, it's okay, I'm all right.''</p><p>The fireman shakes his head and points at the truck.</p><p>''That's the procedure. Plus you're out of clothes. We're taking you to the hospital for observation. Get in."</p><p>''Hey Stop, I want to ride with him. He's my brother!"</p><p>Lucas starts to laugh because it's obvious that Yann is not his brother, but his knees give out and the fireman catches him before he crashes miserably on the ground. </p><p>"''The adrenaline is going down, it's normal, don't worry. Do you want him to come with you?"</p><p>Lucas nods as the fireman lifts him up as if he weighs nothing and puts him in the truck. Lucas smiles as he imagines telling Mika, already certain that the uniform side will please him a lot. Yann joins him and hugs him before backing up, holding him by the shoulders.</p><p>''I want to kill you, Lucas. But what the fuck were you thinking? Why did you do this?"</p><p>Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles.</p><p>''I had to do it."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Reborn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eliott doesn't know if he should feel extremely lucky or angry at the guy who saved him. Was he really worth being saved? </p><p>The firefighters spoke to him gently the whole way through, as not to scare him and Eliott just apologized for the inconvenience. He really hopes that nobody needed the firemen more than him at that time. </p><p>He was taken to the emergency room but after checking, apart from water in his lungs, he has absolutely nothing. The doctors say it's a miracle he didn't have at least a few bones broken by the shock. They say that the guy who saved him has nothing either. Luckily. Eliott could never have lived with his death or the knowledge that he was disabled because of it. </p><p>He sees him just as the stretcher bearer takes him to the psychiatric ward. He looks a lot younger than he did before, he must be 2, maybe 3 years younger than Eliott. He's being yelled at by a man who must be his father, while a woman is crying in his arms.</p><p>"I'm almost of age anyway. You didn't have to come."</p><p>''You jumped off a bridge! It wasn't brave, it was totally stupid and reckless. Look at the state your mother's in."</p><p>The guy is stroking his mother's hair and whispering something. Looking at the scene without knowing what is going on, it seems as if he is the one reassuring his mother, and not the other way around. The man standing in front of him continues to shout but it seems that he's not paying any attention, as if he's used to it, and Eliott raises his hand to ask the stretcher-bearer to stop.</p><p>''Wait, I would like to talk to him.''</p><p>The stretcher-bearer stops and their eyes meet. The guy immediately gets up from the bed on which he was sitting, gently pushing his mother away and rushes over to Eliott.</p><p>''Lucas, come back.'' shout the man.</p><p>''Lucas.''</p><p>Eliott whispers it, almost in a sigh, but Lucas takes a huge smile that shows he heard him.</p><p>''It's me. Are you okay?"</p><p>"Lucas." whispers Eliott again.</p><p>''Eliott!''</p><p>The scream reverberates throughout the ER before she starts crying. She throws herself against him so hard that Eliott doesn't really have time to realize what's going on.</p><p>''My baby. I can't believe it. Is that you? Oh, my God. I've been looking for you everywhere. Why didn't you come home? My baby."</p><p>Eliott looks into his mother's eyes, and she starts crying even harder.</p><p>''But what have you become? I'm so sorry. I swear we are not angry. Your father is coming.''</p><p>"We'll take him to Psychiatry, Mrs. Demaury, you can come with us."</p><p>His mother holds his hand as if he were 10 years old while the stretcher-bearer pushes his chair, but Eliott lets them. He's too tired to struggle anyway. He turns around just before turning in the hallway to look at Lucas, who smiles and waves to him.</p><p>In the psychiatric ward, Eliott feels like he's being reborn. The nurses are pretty nice. They help him shave and his mother is allowed to cut his hair, and just like that, he feels different. </p><p>For the first time in a long time, he doesn't have to worry about what he's going to eat and where he's going to sleep. He no longer has to steal to get his dose because the drug has been replaced by medication that is given to him without any problems, every day. Of course, he still feels the lack, especially when the doctors decide that they can lower his substitute to be able to stop it as soon as possible because they are not normally compatible with his background treatment for bipolarity, but this is nothing like what he experienced outside.</p><p>The only painful thing here is that he has to answer questions and talk. Talk, talk, talk... everybody wants him to talk. Let him tell, over and over again, what he felt, what happened in his head, what's going on in his head now, what he feels... </p><p>Except that Eliott can't really express it. He had reached a point of no return. At least that's what he thought. The doctors ask him why he didn't try to contact his parents again but Eliott doesn't really know what to answer: shame? fear of hurting them again? fear of being rejected? The certainty that his parents didn't want to see him anymore? It's hard enough for him to know that all this time his parent was waiting for him, hoping he would come back. His mother doesn't even seem to remember that they passed each other one day while he was on the street and Eliott is careful not to tell her. He just doesn't want to talk about it anymore.</p><p>He had reached a point where the only thing he could think about was that life wasn't worth living.</p><p>And now, the only thing he can think of is that brown guy with eyes as blue as a cloudless sky, who jumped off a bridge to save him, without even knowing him. He knows he's obsessed because he can't think of anything else but him. <br/>
 <br/>
He has refrained several times from asking doctors or nurses his full name. Maybe when he gets out of here, he will be able to search the internet and find at least one article about Lucas who jumped off a bridge to save a complete stranger. Sometimes, when he thinks about it, he wonders if Lucas feels like a hero's soul, if his life has changed since then...if he thinks about him sometimes....</p><p>''Eliott, you have your psychiatrist's appointment in five minutes.''</p><p>Eliott smiles to the nurse and nods.</p><p>''I know, I'm going. Thanks.''</p><p>And for the twelfth time in a month, Eliott finds himself sitting in the psychiatrist's office answering his questions.</p><p>''How do you see your future, Eliott?''</p><p>Eliott shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''I don't know. My parents want me to move in with them when I get out of here. They had planned to settle in the countryside, in Normandy, at the end of July and they want me to come with them. My mom says they postponed the moving date dozens of times because they were hoping I would come home. They think it would be good for me to start over, but I don't know if it's a good or bad thing."</p><p>''Why?"</p><p>Eliott shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''It makes me feel like I'm running away.''</p><p>He smiles and scratches his head.</p><p>''Yeah, I know, you're gonna say it's stupid because that's what I wanted to do when I killed myself. And maybe that's why I don't want to run away. And then I'm 20 years old, I don't want to spend my life with my parents. I want to live my life like young people my age."</p><p>The psychiatrist nods and leans on his desk.</p><p>''You'll never be like a guy of your age again, Eliott. You'll never be able to party, drink or smoke again without risking a relapse. Not to mention your bipolarity. You're going to have to try harder than everyone else, but you can have a great life without getting high or drunk.''</p><p>Eliott nods with a sigh.</p><p>''I know...I don't know... I feel like no matter what I do, I'm gonna fail."</p><p>The psychiatrist shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''So what? You've tried it. It'll be August soon. Why don't you go back to school? Try it. What's the worst that can happen to you? The nurses say you draw a lot. Do you like it?"</p><p>Eliott nods and smiles.</p><p>''Yeah. But I actually like movies. I wanted to be a director, before."</p><p>The psychiatrist shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''You can be one now. What's stopping you? You're 20 years old, Eliott, not 80! Enroll in college or film school. Find your way and you'll get better. You have to find a reason to get better."</p><p>Eliott nods and gets up because it's time to end the appointment but the psychiatrist doesn't move.</p><p>''Sit down. I think you'll be able to get out soon. In a couple of weeks. If you feel ready. But in the meantime, if you want, the guy who jumped in to rescue you would like to see you.''</p><p>Eliott is immediately startled, not sure he understood.</p><p>''Lucas? He want to see me?"</p><p>The doctor smiles and closes his file. </p><p>''He's been coming in to check on you every week since you've been here. I had an appointment with him this morning to talk about all this.  I think he just really cares about you and he wants to make sure you're okay."</p><p>Eliott puts his back against the seat, stunned. He runs a nervous hand through his hair before he looks at the doctor.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>The therapist shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''There are some encounters that change your life in a matter of seconds. Maybe that's it. You don't have to, Eliott, but I think it might do you some good too."</p><p>Eliott nods, rubbing his hands together to try to calm his nerves.</p><p>"Can I ask him why he did that?"</p><p>The doctor smiles and nods.</p><p>''Of course. I asked him, too. I think a lot of people have asked him that. You can ask him, Eliott, but he doesn't have to answer. Do you understand the difference?"</p><p>Eliott nods, but he doesn't really understand.</p><p>''He'll be here at 4:00. I understand that you don't want to talk about this among the other residents, so if you want, I'll let him come to your room, but a nurse will be there. Is that okay with you?"</p><p>Eliott nods again and the doctor signals that he can get up.</p><p>''Okay. That's good. If it's ever too much for you, just say it and he'll leave. See you Friday, Eliott.''</p><p>Eliott goes back to his room, not knowing what to think. In 25 minutes Lucas will be here and he has no idea how to handle this. All the questions that he wants to ask him hit him at the same time in his head and he is forced to stop walking to think about breathing calmly. </p><p>He spends the next twenty minutes cleaning his room. He's not allowed to have anything personal, but the nurses give him paper and pencils whenever he asks for them, so there are drawings all over his room. He picks them all up and puts them all on the small table before he goes to the bathroom to look in the mirror. </p><p>Luckily, he was allowed to have his clothes back, and he was really happy to see that his parents hadn't thrown everything away or given it away. He's not allowed to wear belts and his jeans fall off his hips a little bit, but otherwise he doesn't look too bad. It's not that he wants to look good or to his advantage, because Lucas has seen him the crappiest he's ever been, but he wants to show him that he's really getting better.</p><p>A knock rings out in the bedroom and Eliott comes out of the bathroom smiling. Lucas looks hesitant, almost shy, but he's really handsome. He has a white and blue shirt that goes really well with his eyes and black jeans. He turns his head towards him and steps back.</p><p>''Shit sorry, I must have gotten the wrong room.''</p><p>Eliott smiles and shakes his head.</p><p>''No, Lucas, it's me.''</p><p>Lucas is stunned and approaches, looking Eliott in the eyes.</p><p>''Yeah, it's definitely you.'' he whispers ''Fuck. You... Wow."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Recognize.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucas immediately feels his cheeks blush and looks away while Eliott smiles.</p><p>''I just wanted to say that you really look better. You look good."</p><p>Eliott smiles and shows Lucas a chair.</p><p>''You look good too."</p><p>Lucas puts his head down towards his clothes and starts laughing.</p><p>''I came to see my mother. I don't usually dress like this, but I wanted to please her, she wanted to celebrate my birthday."</p><p>Eliott smiles and that makes him even more beautiful. He looks much better, but he looks so beautiful without his suffocating beard. Even his eyes look a little brighter than when Lucas first saw them, or maybe it's just the light in the hospital that gives that impression.</p><p>''So...Happy Birthday. Eighteen years old? You should have better things to do to celebrate than to come here, right?"</p><p>Lucas shrugs his shoulders and quickly looks at the drawings on the small table. There's a raccoon and a hedgehog in almost every drawing and Lucas quickly wonders why Eliott only draws his two characters, but they don't know each other well enough to ask the question.<br/>
 <br/>
"Actually it was the 10th, but I couldn't see her before. And I'm really happy to be able to see you today."</p><p>Eliott nods with a smile and his eyes wrinkle a little bit like an almond, which makes him even more beautiful. And then, at that very moment, Lucas thinks that he must be even more beautiful when he laughs, and frankly he hopes that he will be able to see that one day.</p><p>''Me too... Does she live near this hospital?"</p><p>Lucas sits on the chair, watching Eliott sitting on the edge of his bed.</p><p>''No, she lives here now. She's in this hospital, too."</p><p>''Shit, I'm sorry. I hope she's okay."</p><p>Lucas nods with a smile.</p><p>''Yeah, she's better. She was happy to see me. Fuck, I feel like I'm dressed for a wedding. It's not even mine, it's my roommate's."</p><p>Lucas opens two buttons on his shirt, feeling like he can breathe a little better. Or maybe it's just Eliott's blue eyes that disturb him.</p><p>"So?" Eliott asks without looking at him, "Did you want to see me? Weren't we supposed to have a nurse standing by?"</p><p>Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he looks at the door. It's true that the doctor told him that this morning, but since he didn't see a nurse in the corridors and knew Eliott's room number, he came straight in.</p><p>''Would you rather I go get one?''</p><p>To his great relief, Eliott smiled and shook his head. It's already weird to see each other now, it would be even weirder if someone was looking at them.</p><p>''No, of course not.''</p><p>Lucas sighs, not knowing what to say. He doesn't even really know why he insisted on seeing Eliott. He just knows he needed to see him.</p><p>''Are you feeling better?''</p><p>Just by looking at Eliott, he suspects the answer, but when Eliott nods his head and smiles, Lucas smiles back.</p><p>''Yeah. I really does. I'm in drug rehab and I'm taking my meds properly to treat my episodes and"</p><p>"What's an episode?"</p><p>Eliott looks at him, smiling, and Lucas shrugs his shoulders, silently apologizing that he has to explain to him.</p><p>''Sorry. I'm bipolar. It's also known as manic-depressive. I have manic episodes, or depressive episodes, and medication helps me not to go too high or too low."</p><p>Lucas nods, running a hand through his hair.</p><p>''Did you know that already?"</p><p>Eliott nods, lowering his eyes and that's when the realization happens in Lucas' head.</p><p>''Is that why you wanted to kill yourself?''</p><p>Eliott is startled and Lucas regrets having said it like that.</p><p>''Fuck, I'm sorry, Eliott, I'm...''</p><p>''No, it's okay. Everybody here talks about it with tweezers. I like that you talk about it clearly. No, it wasn't because of that. Well, maybe it was. Yeah, probably, actually. I was really down in the dumps. I didn't know what else to do."</p><p>Eliott puts his head down, looking sad and Lucas comes and sits on the bed next to him. He puts his hand on Eliott's hand and Eliott raises his head to look at him smiling.</p><p>"You know Eliott, sometimes you have to touch the bottom of the pool to give yourself the push you need to get back to the surface."</p><p>Eliott smiles, nods and gently shakes Lucas' hand in his. Is it normal that this contact gives Lucas the impression that he burn from the inside? And especially that he does not want Eliott to let go of his hand?</p><p>"Why did you do that, Lucas? Why are you doing this? Why are you here?"</p><p>Lucas chuckles with a shrug.</p><p>''If you knew how many times I've been asked why I did this. The problem is that I don't have any answers. None of his questions. I jumped after you because I wanted to save you. I didn't think, it was instinctive. I'm here because I can't stop thinking about you and I really needed to see you."</p><p>They look into each other's eyes and sigh at the same time.</p><p>''I'm sorry."</p><p>They are so in sync that they jump before they look at each other again.</p><p>''Why are you sorry, Lucas? You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about."</p><p>Lucas smiles, putting his hands on his thighs, almost sad to have let go of Eliott's hand in a startle. He thought about it an incredible number of times and he still doesn't know why he didn't react faster, preventing Eliott from jumping.</p><p>''I'm sorry I didn't scream. I saw you from across the bridge, you looked so sad. I tried to walk faster, but you fell off before I could get to you. I can't stop thinking about it, and I don't know why I didn't yell at you to stop and get down from there.''</p><p>Eliott bursts into tears, and without asking any questions, Lucas opens his arm and pulls him towards him. Eliott puts his head on his shoulder and Lucas gently rubs his back.</p><p>''You jumped off a bridge for me and you regret not having reacted? You should be sorry you jumped, Lucas."</p><p>Lucas smiles as he strokes his cheek.</p><p>''I have never regretted it. Even when I was in the water looking for you, I didn't regret it. That's what I had to do. I don't know how to explain it, even I feel weird about it, but that's how I feel."</p><p>Eliott stands up and sighs.</p><p>''But you don't even know me. It's too weird."</p><p>Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he stands up to face Eliott.</p><p>''I know. But that's just the way it is, I can't explain it. Maybe we knew each other in a past life or something like that. I honestly don't know. I just wanted to see if you were feeling better. Now if my presence bothers you, I'm not coming back."</p><p>Lucas takes a step back and Eliott immediately grabs his arm.</p><p>''I didn't say that. It's just weird."</p><p>Lucas looks at Eliott's hand on his arm and nods.</p><p>''Life is weird sometimes, isn't it?"</p><p>Eliott smiles and pulls him slightly to sit back down.</p><p>"So you believe in past lives?"</p><p>Lucas shakes his head and smiles. He spent an incredible number of hours trying to understand what could have happened inside him when he saw Eliott fall into the Seine. And the only answers he found are simply not scientifically provable: either they knew each other in a previous life, or in another universe, or they are related, like soul mates. He's read a lot about that and some cultures really seem to believe it exists, so why not? Other than that, Lucas doesn't see where this incredible feeling inside of him came from that made him jump into the void to save him, and that makes him want to be there today to make sure he gets better and never does something like that again.</p><p>''Not really. I've never actually thought about it before. I don't know what came over me, but I'm really glad I did it, especially if you're better. We all deserve a second chance."</p><p>Silence sets in between them and Lucas doesn't really know what to say to end it so he gets out of bed.</p><p>''Do you want some coffee?"</p><p>Eliott nods then shakes his head.</p><p>''I would love to, but I'm not allowed to leave here. Sorry."</p><p>Lucas smiles and pulls him by the wrist.</p><p>''Let me do it."</p><p>He knocks gently at the nurses' door and takes his biggest smile.</p><p>''Hi Irene. Are you all right?"</p><p>The nurse is startled but takes a big smile as she turns around and comes to take him in her arms.</p><p>''Lucas! I was told you were coming to see Eliott and...I see you went to his room without coming to see us. Oh Lucas! I won't say anything just because you've become a star here. Your mother was so proud. I honestly don't know if it's sheer madness, recklessness or an incredibly brave act."</p><p>Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles. Since his mother has been hospitalized very regularly for the past year and a half, he has befriended some of the nurses, and Irene is just the best of them all.</p><p>''Since we're both doing well, we could opt for the incredibly brave one, couldn't we? We'd like to go for coffee in the cafeteria, just the two of us..."</p><p>Irene immediately loses her smile and sighs.</p><p>''Come on Irene, please. I swear I'll bring him back to you in 20 minutes. And then he gets better, right?"</p><p>Irene looks at Eliott and points her index finger at him while frowning.</p><p>''No bullshit, okay? You're still Lucas' responsibility.''</p><p>Eliott nods and Lucas takes a huge smile.</p><p>''Thanks, Irene. We're just gonna have coffee, I promise. You're the best!"</p><p>Irene nods and unlocks the service door.</p><p>''I'll hold your mother hostage if you don't come back in time.''</p><p>Lucas laughs and drags Eliott with him, pulling him by the wrist.</p><p>''How do you do that?"</p><p>Lucas comes down the stairs with a shrug.</p><p>''I ask nicely. My mother is actually in a psychiatric service, too, because of her schizophrenia. Irene was there when my mother was first hospitalized. I was 16 years old and for several weeks I couldn't see her because she was really not well, but I came anyway. One day my mother didn't recognize me and I was completely upset. Irene bought me a coffee and pointed out that I always came with the same clothes. At the time, I was living in a friend's basement so I wouldn't have to go home and face my father, and I was completely messed up at school and with my friends. I was in a really bad time and it felt good to see that someone cared about me. I think that's when I became his little protégé."</p><p>Eliott smiles and Lucas knows exactly what he's thinking. Just like that, just with one look, he knows that Eliott is thinking that it's because he looks like an angel.</p><p>''No, it's not because I look like an angel. I don't look like an angel."</p><p>Eliott seems surprised but nods with a smile. And he's just fucking beautiful. Lucas knows he shouldn't think of himself like that, but he can't help it.</p><p>''Oh, yes, you're. You're mine, Lucas. Maybe that's our connection. Maybe you're actually my guardian angel."</p><p>Hearing Eliott tell him "you're mine" sends a fucking electric shock all over his body, but Lucas tries not to pay attention. He wants to be Eliott's friend, not try to get him into bed, so he laughs.</p><p>''If that's the case, I feel sorry for you. My friends say I have a shitty temper, and they're totally right. And I've done some really uncool things that aren't worthy of an angel. Okay, what do you want to drink?"</p><p>Eliott shrugs his shoulders and smiles.</p><p>''Do you think they have a cinnamon and coconut cappucino?''</p><p>Lucas tries not to look disgusted, but he must be doing it wrong because Eliott starts laughing. And that sound is wonderful.</p><p>"I swear it's good!"</p><p>Lucas looks at the hospital cafeteria and shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''I'm not promising anything, but don't move, I'll get you something like this.''</p><p>Lucas walks to the counter and doesn't even look back because he knows that Eliott will still be there when he comes back. Finally, he has a cappucino and a cinnamon cake. Lucas orders himself an espresso and a chocolate muffin before returning to the table where Eliott is waiting for him.</p><p>''I'm sorry, I wish I had invited you. Thank you so much, Lucas. I have a hard time understanding why you're doing all this, but thank you. For everything."</p><p>Lucas puts the tray down, rolling his eyes.</p><p>''It's just a probably disgusting cup of coffee. When you get out of here, you buy me a decent cup of coffee and we'll call it even."</p><p>Eliott seems surprised and Lucas realizes what he just said.</p><p>''I didn't mean we dating together, I was talking about coffee with friends. I mean, if you feel like it."</p><p>Eliott nods in agreement, but seems sad.</p><p>''I don't know if I'm gonna stay here, Lucas. My parents are moving to Normandy and they want me to go there."</p><p>Lucas takes a sip of his coffee and sighs. He knows he can't ask Eliott to stay, and that it would be weird because they don't know each other, but he doesn't want Eliott to go away and they never see each other again. But what matters is what Eliott wants to do.</p><p>"And you ? What do you want?"</p><p>Eliott shrugs his shoulders and pulls his hair back from his forehead.</p><p>''I don't know. There's a film school I wanted to go to, but I'd have to convince my parents to let me live in Paris. I've been living on the streets for a year and a half and I don't think they're going to trust me."</p><p>''You can live with me if you want.''</p><p>Lucas opens his eyes widens at the same time as Eliott, being almost as astonished as he is by his own words. But he doesn't even regret it when he imagines what it would be like to live with Eliott. To be able to see him every day. To be able to talk with him, to watch him draw or see him laugh. Lucas looks at the dark eyes that question him and smiles because it's a really great idea.</p><p>"In fact, I live in a flatshare for three. We've even lived together as a foursome at one time. Lisa has finished her studies and she's leaving in a week so we're looking for a new roommate.''</p><p>Eliott seems to be thinking and Lucas takes a slight breath, being afraid of Eliott's answer had even asked the question.</p><p>''If you don't have anything against gays, you're welcome.''</p><p>Eliott frowns slightly.</p><p>''Is that how you tell me you're gay?''</p><p>Lucas knows he should say yes, but he panics, feeling like he's back at the beginning of his coming-out and shakes his head.</p><p>''No. I was talking about my roommate, actually. Mika is 20 years old, he's a bartender, politically incorrect and has no idea what the word ''privacy'' means. He very often brings guys back to the apartment and talks about them H24. But he is also funny and protective. He's like a big brother to me. Or an annoying cousin."</p><p>Lucas watches Eliott nodding, almost seeming disappointed.</p><p>''Oh, okay. Don't worry, I have no problem with that, I'm actually pansexual.''</p><p>Eliot takes a sip of coffee and then looks at him again and Lucas feels like an idiot for not just saying yes. He feels like an idiot because he knows he didn't have to be afraid of Eliott's reaction. Talking to Eliott is like talking to someone you know, but just haven't seen in a long time. Maybe that's it finally, maybe they're connected in some way and they recognize each other. Eliott smiles at him, visibly lost in his thoughts as well.</p><p>''So, Lucas...are you the type that often brings home different girls or do you have a girlfriend?''</p><p>Lucas smiles before he takes a sip of coffee.</p><p>''Is that your way of asking me if I'm in a relationship?''</p><p>Eliott nods with a slight smile and that makes Lucas smile a little bit more.</p><p>''It's just to know what to expect from living with you. Not that I'm sure I can really do it anyway."</p><p>Lucas raises his eyebrows, wanting to be mysterious, and then puts his hand on Eliott's hand.</p><p>''I don't bring girls home because yeah, I'm gay too. And if you're wondering, No, I don't have a boyfriend."</p><p>Eliott smiles, looking... almost relieved... or is it just Lucas imagining that? Frankly, he doesn't know. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Dreaming with open eyes.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Eliott, I hope you're laughing now!"</p><p>Eliott sighs as he looks at his father and turns to his mother before looking at the doctor. Finally, he's quite happy that the doctor wanted to be there to talk about his discharge with his parents.</p><p>"I remind you that Eliott's of legal age. If you don't want to help him, the social worker at the service will help him to put together a file in order to obtain the necessary assistance. He wants to take his life in hand, he has a project and''</p><p>''Do you want to go live with a kid who risked his life on a whim?''</p><p>Eliott immediately stands up to face his father.</p><p>''Lucas wanted to help me. It was the most altruistic gesture there is. And I don't want to live with him, I want to live with him and his roommate. They are looking for a new roommate because the girl who shared their apartment finished school and moved out last week. He's not just the one who saved me, now he's my friend.''</p><p>Eliott sits down and takes a breath to calm down, noticing the doctor's little smile. Lucas has been visiting him twice a week for the last two weeks and they have really become friends now. Lucas offered him a phone and got the nurses' permission for Eliott to keep him in his room, so since then they have been spending evenings, almost all night long, chatting by text message or video. Some evenings they just plugged in the video and put on the same TV program, just so they could comment and laugh together. And if Eliott is not afraid to leave the hospital, it's also thanks to that. He knows that life with Lucas will go well. Eliott is starting to believe that Lucas is right, and that they must have a special bond because he has never felt better with anyone before. He would like to imagine that they are soul mates, especially since he knows Lucas is gay, but he immediately remembers that he shouldn't think of Lucas that way. Because it's obvious that Lucas doesn't see him as a potential boyfriend.</p><p>Since he knows Lucas is gay, and he couldn't help but smile like an idiot when Lucas told him, he feels that Lucas is more distant.  He hasn't put his hand on his hand since that day in the cafeteria, and even though they have become really good friends since then, it is clear that Lucas doesn't want him to become more. This became completely clear when they talked about the connection again and Lucas said that in some cultures soul mates are just two people connected, but that there may not necessarily be feelings of love between them. They could be family members or friends. And in the end, maybe it's not so bad, maybe there's no point in complicating this already unlikely situation, and Eliott is already really happy to be his friend.</p><p>He intercepts his parents' gaze and realizes that he has lost himself again in his thoughts, which often happens when he thinks of Lucas.</p><p>"Anyway, I already said yes. As Dr. Martin said, this is my project. I'm going to go live with them and in September I'm going to go to the Conservatoire libre du cinéma français. I know you wanted me to come and live with you, but I don't want to run away to the country, I want to build my life. I promise you it will be fine."</p><p>These parents have completely undone faces, but Eliott expected this. </p><p>''Can we meet him?'' asks his mother softly.</p><p>Eliott was sure she would ask for it. If she knew that they were already seeing each other, she would have asked to meet Lucas for sure.</p><p>''He should be here in fifteen minutes. He can give you a tour of the flatshare afterwards if you want."</p><p>The doctor puts his hand on Eliott's shoulder and he looks up at him.</p><p>''Do you want to go too? I'll let you go out this afternoon, you spend the evening there and you come back tomorrow before 4 p.m. to tell me how you feel about being released from prison. How do you feel about it?"</p><p>Eliott laughs and nods.</p><p>''I never thought I was in prison here. It's more like a hotel."</p><p>The doctor nods and goes out to the room, declaring that he's going to do the necessary paperwork for this little outing, and despite the palpable tension in the room, Eliott is happy. He quickly puts a few things in a bag and puts the others in his closet.</p><p>''A little mouse told me you're on parole?"</p><p>Eliott turns around and smiles as he watches Lucas enter his room, quite naturally, before stopping when he realizes that Eliott's parents are there too.</p><p>''Oh shit. Excuse me. Nice to meet you. I'm Lucas."</p><p>As he expected, his mother immediately takes him in her arms and then his father shakes his hand and frowns.</p><p>''Why are you doing all this, kid? What do you want?"</p><p>Lucas looks at Eliott and smiles.</p><p>"I just want him to be okay. That's all I want. If that's your question, I don't want his money or yours, I don't want to use him for drug dealing or anything else you can think of. I just want to take care of him. Shall we go?"</p><p>Eliott looks at his father shaking his head and holds Lucas by the arm. He knew his father would be the hardest one to convince.</p><p>''Eliott, go with your mom, I want to talk to Lucas.''</p><p>Eliott shakes his head, placing himself between Lucas and his father but Lucas pushes him gently, putting his hand on his arm.</p><p>"Don't worry, go with your mother, we're coming. I'm sure your father won't kill me in the middle of a hospital.''</p><p>Eliott frowns as he looks at his father but his mother pulls him out. Through the glass window, he watches them talk but he doesn't hear what they are saying to each other. He sees his father take a slight smile and nod gently as he puts his hand on Lucas' shoulder before taking him in his arms.</p><p>The four of them get into Eliott's parents' car and if the atmosphere is little weird, it could be worse. Lucas is in the front seat to guide Eliott's father and he is in the back seat, next to his mother who is smiling tenderly at him.</p><p>"It's here. In this building."</p><p>Eliott grabs his bag and follows Lucas inside the building. Lucas gave him a tour of the apartment by skype after having offered him to come and live here, and it was by video that he spoke with Mika, and frankly he seems to be really nice.</p><p>''Welcome to Casa del Mika''. Mika says as he opens the door ''Eliott, I was so excited that you were coming. Living with Lucas is so boring. The vacations aren't over yet and he has already started his study sessions."</p><p>Lucas elbows him and pushes him.</p><p>''I just wanted to go over some of last year's classes and a friend came over to help me.''</p><p>''Come in, come in.'' Said Mika waving to Eliott's parents, "I'll show you around while Lucas makes some tea. To the kettle, kitten. You realize, when he arrived here, he was making tea with hot tap water. Straight from the kettle."</p><p>Eliott looks at his mother who is giggling while Lucas raises his eyes to the sky.</p><p>''Eliott can't cook.'' Says his father with a smile, "Don't let him do it. It's indigestion guaranteed!''</p><p>"Dad!"</p><p>His father smiles before following Mika and Eliott joins Lucas in the kitchen.</p><p>''It's so humiliating.''</p><p>Lucas laughs as he takes out the cups.</p><p>''Humiliating? Are you kidding? I've been living with Mika for almost two years. He gonna tell you all about me and I swear you'll understand what humiliating means.''</p><p>Eliott sits on the kitchen counter and watches Lucas working in the kitchen.</p><p>''I'm really happy to be here. Living with my guardian angel, I couldn't be happier."</p><p>Eliott calls him like that just because he knows it pisses Lucas off. And indeed, Lucas is rolling his eyes.</p><p>''Or should I say <em>kitten</em>?''</p><p>Lucas sighs.</p><p>''Ah ah, very funny, but call me that again and you'll see my demonic side.''</p><p>''You can sit on the counter,'' says Mika as she enters the kitchen ''but don't do sexual things here.''</p><p>Lucas moans while Eliott laughs and nods.</p><p>"Where are my parents?"</p><p>''In your room. They're on their way."</p><p>Finally they drink a nice cup of tea before his parents leave so they can get home not too late.</p><p>''If there's any trouble, you call us, okay?''</p><p>Eliott nods his head before putting his hand on his shoulder.</p><p>''I promise, Mom, I''.</p><p>His mother looks at him as if he were an idiot and raises her eyes slightly to the sky.</p><p>''I was talking to Lucas.''</p><p>Eliott rolls his eyes and looks at Lucas smiling right next to him.</p><p>''No problem. Everything will be fine."</p><p>Eliott watches his parents leave but he feels neither sad nor relieved. He's just happy.<br/>
 <br/>
''Okay guys, I'm going to work. Don't do anything stupid."</p><p>Mika waves to them before leaving for the bar where he works. Lucas looks at him then takes a big smile.</p><p>''Do you want to watch a movie and order pizza? Do you want a soda?''</p><p>Lucas gets a beer, and frankly Eliott wants to thank him for that. He wouldn't have wanted Lucas to abstain from drinking because he doesn't. And it's once he's sitting next to Lucas, each one at one end of the couch that Eliott realizes how his life has changed. A few months ago he was alone and couldn't think straight, and now he's sitting quietly on a couch next to the most incredible guy he's ever met.</p><p>''Are you okay, Eliott?''</p><p>Eliott jumps up and wipes a tear from the corner of his eye uninvited.</p><p>''Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. It's just..." Eliott sighs, running a nervous hand through his hair. "I just feel like I'm out of reality, you know?"</p><p>Lucas frowns slightly, and Eliott sees the worry creeping into his face.</p><p>''No, not at all. What do you mean?" </p><p>Eliott sighs and lowers his head to look at his hands because it's easier than facing Lucas' worried look.</p><p>"I feel like at any moment I'm going to come back to reality, and I'm going to realize that it was just a dream or a hallucinations. Like I'm having a bad trip on the street, and my brain is imagining all this. Or I'm in a coma after I fall and I'm dreaming it all."</p><p>Lucas moves closer to him and puts his hands on his cheeks.</p><p>''Stop it right now, okay? I'm really real. This is all real, Eliott."</p><p>Eliott smiles and rolls his eyes.</p><p>''Cause you think if I was hallucinating, you'd really tell me?''</p><p>Lucas shrugs his shoulders and sighs.</p><p>''I don't know how I can convince you I'm real.''</p><p>Eliott shrugs his shoulders, not knowing either, and Lucas pulls him up against him, just holding him in his arms.</p><p>"If we were in a dream, what would happen now?"</p><p>Eliott raises his head to look at him and smiles.</p><p>''You would kiss me. We'd go out together and we'd be happy."</p><p>Lucas takes a huge smile and leans gently towards Eliott without ever taking his eyes off him. Eliott feels his breath being taken away when Lucas is close enough to feel his breath.</p><p>Lucas puts his hand on Eliott's mouth and pushes him back laughing.</p><p>''Too bad we're in reality then. Choose what you want to watch, I'm going to pee."</p><p>Lucas gets up and throws the remote control in his lap before disappearing. Eliott stands there like an idiot, not knowing whether to smile at the idiocy of the situation or to be really disappointed. Because dream, hallucination or reality, it doesn't matter: he really wanted that kiss.</p><p>The doorbell rings and Lucas appears in the hallway so quickly that Eliott is certain that he wasn't in the bathroom. Did he just need to calm the fire inside him? Is he as disturbed as Lucas by this situation?</p><p>Eliott pays for the pizzas just before Lucas can do so and brings the boxes back into the living room.</p><p>''So? Did you choose a movie?"</p><p>Eliott shakes his head, opens Netflix and then chooses a movie completely at random. When Lucas falls asleep halfway through the movie with his head on his shoulder, Eliott looks at him and smiles. Because no matter what he says, he really looks like an angel. Maybe he died falling into the water, and he's actually in the heaven.</p><p>Eliott laughs at this idea because if that was the case, there would be no reason for him to be in heaven. Lucas grunts, probably because Eliott has moved and is hugging him.</p><p>''Sleep, my love. I am here. You're not alone anymore."</p><p>Eliott looks at Lucas with wide-eyed eyes, but Lucas seems to be deeply asleep.</p><p>''Lucas?''</p><p>Lucas grunts again, hugging him a little harder.</p><p>''I got you...don't worry...''</p><p>Lucas snores and Eliott kisses him on the forehead. It is certain that if he told him that he talks in his sleep, Lucas would tell him that it's totally false, but anyway, he won't tell him. Eliott hesitates but turns off the TV and pulls Lucas against him while putting a blanket over them before closing his eyes. </p><p>He still does not know if he is really in reality and he is not going to wake up one day to realize that he has dreamed it all, but in the meantime, for the first time in a really long time, he's really good, and he feels like he couldn't be better.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Seeing the reality.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
Lucas leaves the service with his head down and sighs. That's the hardest thing to do: let Eliott go back to the hospital. </p><p>For the past week, Eliott has been allowed to go on short outings, and often stays overnight before having to return to the hospital. And when that happens, Lucas feels lonely. He knows it's normal, that he can't expect Eliott to go out overnight after all he's been through, and he doesn't want to risk Eliott going out before he's ready to go out and things go wrong, but he's really looking forward to the day when Eliott doesn't have to go back. </p><p>Frankly, Lucas doesn't see how bad it could get because right now when Eliott gets the right to come to the apartment, it's really great. They usually spend the evening watching a movie and talking. It's always so amazing how naturally things happen between them. The only thing that's hard for Lucas is not to show his true feelings, and to think about what he's saying before talking so that there's no room for ambiguity with Eliott. He doesn't want to dating with Eliott until Eliott is really ready  for that, so he decided that the best thing to do is just be friends for now, and maybe in a few months, when Eliott gets better, they can be more than that. And then there's always that little voice in his head telling him that maybe Eliott would only go out with him to please him, feeling indebted to him, and Lucas doesn't want that.</p><p>He wants to take things slowly, without rushing to make sure that Eliott is ready. And as Eliott doesn't make any gesture towards him to show him that he wants more, he must surely think the same thing as he does.</p><p>So like every time he walks Eliott to the hospital, he walks and finds himself without really having had time to think about it on the deck. He leans on the pillar where Eliott was standing and looks at the water below. </p><p>''If you jump again, you might not be so lucky, Lucas.''</p><p>Lucas is startled and turns around to look at the man next to him. He must be 25 years old, brown with green eyes and frankly Lucas doesn't think he's ever seen him before.</p><p>"Do we know each other?"</p><p>The guy nods with a smile and comes to lean on the pillar.</p><p>''Don't you remember me?''</p><p>Lucas shakes his head and the guy takes a big smile.</p><p>''I'm a fireman, I'm the one who pulled you out of the water. I'm from<em> La Monnaie</em> fire station, I'm a fireman-diver."</p><p>Lucas nods, stopping looking at the water to look at him.</p><p>''Thank you... uh... that's when you tell me your name.''</p><p>The guy laughs and reaches out his hand.</p><p>''I'm Maxime, but you don't have to thank me, that's my job. How are you doing?"</p><p>Lucas looks at the water below them and smiles.</p><p>''Good. Really good."</p><p>Maxime runs a hand through his hair and Lucas is sure he wants to ask him something.</p><p>''Do you have time for coffee? I'm not working this morning."</p><p>Lucas hesitates then nods, curiosity piquing him.</p><p>''Great. I know a great one right around the corner. They make coffee flavored with anything."</p><p>The first thing Lucas sees as he enters the café is the sign listing all the coffee shops and he smiles because there is a cinnamon-coco cappucino. He immediately thinks of Eliott and almost feels bad to be there with another guy. Even though Maxime is probably there to talk about his work and not at all to try to hook up with Lucas.</p><p>"What can I get you?"</p><p>Maxime smiles at him and Lucas wonders if he's not flirting with him after all.</p><p>''An espresso is fine.''</p><p>They sit at a table near the window, and from where he's, Lucas can see the bridge, and it's pretty disturbing.</p><p>''I don't know if it's really professional to say this, but I've been thinking about you ever since it happened.''</p><p>Lucas immediately freezes by putting his hands around his cup to try to get a hold of it. As flattering as it is, Lucas can't help but be embarrassed, because clearly, he'd rather wait for Eliott for years than date someone else. All he can think of, is Eliott's smile, his long thin fingers, the way he pinches his tongue between his lips when he is concentrating to draw, and especially how awesome to see it smile and hear him laugh.</p><p>''I'm really flattered, and you're probably nice and you're cute, but I'm not free.''</p><p>Maxime half chokes on his coffee and puts the cup down with a smile on his face.</p><p>''What? Oh, no. I'm not like that."</p><p>Lucas frowns, straightening his eyebrows slightly.</p><p>"You mean gay?"</p><p>Maxime shakes his head and smiles.</p><p>''No. I mean, I'm not, but I meant the kind of guy who dating with a person at least 10 years younger than me. You're a minor, aren't you?"</p><p>Lucas looks at him better and then shrugs his shoulders.</p><p>''No, not anymore. How old are you?"</p><p>Maxime smiles as he runs a hand through his hair.</p><p>''I'll be 30 in two months, but I know I look a lot younger, you don't have to say it.''</p><p>Lucas nods his head and his phone starts to vibrate. Eliott calls him but Lucas doesn't want him to know where he is, so he lets the voicemail take over. It's with a heavy heart that he sees Eliott call him back a second time.</p><p>''Eliott? Is this the guy who jumped? Are you in touch?"</p><p>Lucas puts his phone away and looks Maxime in the eye.</p><p>''What do you want from me, then?''</p><p>Maxime smiles then shows the bridge.</p><p>''I want to know why you jumped. Everyone present that day, even your friends, have been formal and say that you ran across the road and jumped. They say that you didn't hesitate, that you just stepped over the pillar and jumped. None of them had seen Eliott before they bent down to look at you. So since it happened, I keep asking myself why. Some of my colleagues think that you knew him but didn't want to tell, and others think that you wanted to kill yourself too, but you regretted it, but I'm sure that's not it.''</p><p>Lucas shakes his head and looks at the bridge.</p><p>''No, that's not it. You want to know why I jumped? Because I saw him. There were maybe 30 people on that bridge and only I saw him. If I hadn't jumped, if I hadn't saved him, who would have done it?"</p><p>Maxime takes a huge smile and puts his hand on Lucas' shoulder.</p><p>"You are incredible. Do you feel like a hero's soul now?"</p><p>Lucas shakes his head as he finishes his coffee.</p><p>''No. I just did what I had to do.''</p><p>Maxime smiles even more and waves to the waiter.</p><p>''Lucas, do you want another coffee?''</p><p>Lucas hesitates but finally nods because he has nothing better to do. Maxime talks to him about the barracks, their missions and it's rather nice to listen. They talk a bit about Eliott, and Maxime seems really happy to know that he is doing better. </p><p>"My girlfriend's going to wait for me to eat." Finally Maxime says, grabbing Lucas' phone, "But call me if you want, I'll give you a tour of the barracks. Guys like you don't run the streets, Lucas. We could use people like you on the brigade."</p><p>Lucas opens his eyes and starts laughing at the idea of him being a firefighter. He hadn't even realized that that's what Maxime was getting at.</p><p>''It's really flattering, but I never wanted to be a fireman.''</p><p>Max gives him his phone back and gets up.</p><p>''Sometimes it's just a no-brainer.''</p><p>Lucas laughs, thanks him and walks quietly to the apartment. He thought he would be alone on his way home because Mika was supposed to receive the bar orders this morning, but obviously that's not the case.</p><p>''Mika? You're finally here?"</p><p>Eliott comes out of the kitchen, smiling, but Lucas sees right away that there is something strange.</p><p>''It's just me. I was allowed out. Definitely. I mean, if I'm not messing around."</p><p>Lucas takes a huge smile and hugs him before he even realizes what he's doing.</p><p>''It's awesome. I'm super happy. Don't worry, it's going to be okay. I'm sorry I didn't answer. I was going to call you back."</p><p>Eliott nods in agreement, but gently pushes him away.</p><p>''Don't worry, it's okay. I'm just gonna go to my room for a little while and get settled in."</p><p>Lucas watches him leave and frankly, he doesn't know why, but something tells him that Eliott isn't his usual self. But maybe it's just the fact that he's really leaving the hospital that scares him. </p><p>So Lucas prepares some carbonara pasta before going to pick him up. Eliott is drawing and Lucas looks at him a few seconds before knocking even if the door is not closed.</p><p>''I've made pasta, are you coming to eat?''</p><p>Eliott nods and puts away his drawings. He looks good, but it's as if there's something wrong. And that's confirmed during the meal because Eliott is eating, but he doesn't talk as usual.</p><p>''Eliott? Are you all right?"</p><p>Eliott nods, looks at Lucas and then looks at his plate again.</p><p>''Yeah. Don't worry."</p><p>Lucas want to says him that he can't possibly because it's something he can't control. He wants to ask him what happened to make Eliott so distant with him.  He doesn't see him all afternoon, and since Mika doesn't come home, Lucas spends the afternoon alone and frankly that wasn't at all how he imagined Eliott get out the hospital.</p><p>So in the evening, hoping that Eliott is better, he warms up two plates of pasta and goes knocking on his door. But before he knocks, he hears Eliott's voice and understands that he is on the phone.</p><p>"Yes, I'm a student, but my parents will be guarantors. But you don't say when your apartment will be available. Okay, fine. I'm looking for as soon as possible, actually.''</p><p>Lucas should turn around and leave, leaving Eliott to make his own decisions, but since he doesn't want Eliott to leave, he opens the door to his room, startled Eliott.</p><p>''I'll call you back."</p><p>Lucas shakes his head and frowns.</p><p>''No, you won't call back. Why would you call back? Why are you looking for another apartment?"</p><p>Lucas knows he shouldn't sound like that and that Eliott has every right to leave, but he doesn't want to. Eliott looks at him and then looks down.</p><p>''I'm sorry, Lucas. But it's not going to work. I just can't do it."</p><p>Lucas feels all the sadness filling his body, as much as he sees the sadness on Eliott's face. So he steps forward and puts his hands on his cheeks to force Eliott to look at him.</p><p>"Why? It's your first day, it's normal that it's difficult. But you can''</p><p>''I can't see you dating other guys, Lucas. I know you don't want to be with me, and I accept that, but it's too painful for me to see you with someone else. I thought that since you're making heated statements to me when you're asleep, maybe we could end up dating, but I realized that's not going to happen. Anyway, this is your home, here, you should be able to bring whoever you want, but I already know I can't handle it. I'm sorry."</p><p>Lucas frowns, trying to look him in the eye but Eliott looks away.</p><p>''Eliott, look at me.''</p><p>Eliott shakes his head, pushing him away.</p><p>''It's okay, Lucas, I saw you two at the café. I can see why you didn't answer me. You're free to do what you want anyway, you don't owe me anything and"</p><p>"Eliott, look at me."</p><p>Eliott sighs before looking him in the eyes and Lucas smiles.</p><p>''Yes, I was at the café with one of the firemen who took care of us that day, and guess what, he was almost offering me to join the brigade. But I'm not with him."</p><p>Eliott sighs and shakes his head.</p><p>''It doesn't change anything, Lucas. You're going to find someone, and you really deserve it, but I already know I couldn't cope. I'm going to find another apartment."</p><p>Lucas shakes his head, gently caressing Eliott's cheek.</p><p>''I'm not gonna find anybody else because I love you.''</p><p>Eliott almost jumps and Lucas smiles.</p><p>"I love you and it's really hard for me not to tell you, show you and kiss you, but I want to make sure you're ready for this, and that you're not doing this because you think you owe me something. I want you to be with me because you love me, not because I saved your life or because you think you owe me.''</p><p>Eliott's lips immediately fall on his, and Lucas is pushed against the door in a passionate kiss, which makes it seem like Eliott has been waiting for this for a really, really long time. Maybe as long as he has in the end.</p><p>''I love you, Lucas.''</p><p>Eliott's hands run all over his body, from his waist to his face before gently caressing his lower back.</p><p>''I've never felt anything so strong, Lucas.''</p><p>Eliott hugs him, putting his head in the crook of his neck and Lucas does the same thing. They stay a few minutes like that, just against each other and then Lucas pushes him away slightly, thinking back to everything Eliott just said.</p><p>"What did you mean by fiery statement when I'm asleep?"</p><p>Eliott smiles and places his forehead against Lucas' forehead while caressing his cheek.</p><p>''You tell me to sleep, almost all the time. You call me my love and tell me that you are there for me. Or that I'm no longer alone, it depends. Once you said I was beautiful."</p><p>Lucas knows he talks in his sleep. His friends have made enough fun of him for that, even filming him. That's how they knew he was gay before he does his coming out.</p><p>''Yeah...well, it's true. I'm here. And you're beautiful. Nothing new under the sun."</p><p>Eliott's kissing him again, and it's just wonderful. Now that that's out of the way, it's like there's an electric vibe between them. Without even knowing who drove them there, they find themselves lying on Eliott's bed kissing, their hands slipping under the T-shirts. Eliott's hands are soft but powerful and Lucas feels like he can feel exactly where they are, so much so that the contact heats him up.</p><p>''Okay. Okay. I was sure this would happen. Will you eat with me anyway?"</p><p>Lucas is startled as he looks at Mika standing against the door opening and Eliott raises his head and smiles.</p><p>''Yeah, we're coming.''</p><p>Mika nods then goes back into the corridor.</p><p>''I'm so happy to be working tonight, I feel like you two are going to be so loud.''</p><p>Lucas feels his cheeks turning even redder than they were, but Eliott kisses him gently.</p><p>''Come on, I can't wait to hear all the humiliating things about you."</p><p>Lucas rolls his eyes and Eliott sits on the bed.</p><p>''By the way. I can't stop wondering. What did you say to my dad?"</p><p>Lucas smiles, thinking back on their discussion and kisses Eliott.</p><p>''It was a private conversation between two people who love you very much, that's all you need to know.''</p><p>Eliott opens his mouth to talk but Lucas kisses him before getting up.</p><p>''Come on, let's go eat and hear horrible stories about me.''</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Never Alone Again.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is short, I know...but tomorrow's chapter will really be longer, I promise!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eliott walks in the living room just because walking helps him to calm down. He can't help but think it's a bad idea, and yet he really wants to do it. </p><p>Eliott sits down, trying to think calmly and looks at his phone to read the last message received by Lucas.</p><p>
  <em>Arthur's move is over, we're going to Mika's bar. I know you said you weren't ready, and I understand, but I can't wait for you to meet my friends. Love U.</em>
</p><p>Every time Lucas meets his friends, he asks Eliott if he wants to come, but so far he hasn't felt ready. He got out of the hospital 10 days ago, and since then he really feels like he's been living in a dream. Being with Lucas is the easiest and most natural thing in the world, even when he's cranky or grumpy. Because even if he grunts, it only takes a few kisses to get him in the right mood, and it fills Eliott's heart with joy to know that he has this power inside of him.</p><p>Eliott knows that he can't hide in their house forever. It's not that he's really living in hiding, because he goes out a lot, and even has an appointment in three days for a job at a video store, but for now he's staying hidden from Lucas' friends, and that's a situation that can't last.</p><p>The truth is that he really wants to meet them, especially Yann whom Lucas keeps talking about, but he's afraid because they saw him at a time in his life that he wants to forget. Lucas says they won't tell him, but Eliott knows they're going to look at him as<em> "the guy Lucas almost died for"</em> and he doesn't want to be that. He doesn't want to be the guy who put Lucas in danger. He just wants to be Lucas' boyfriend.</p><p>Eliott rereads the message for the tenth time since he received it and grabs his jacket before leaving the apartment. Lucas has already shown him the bar where Mika works, but he never went inside. He stops for two minutes in front of the door, trying to calm his anxiety, takes a breath and pushes the door.</p><p>Mika looks at him, visibly surprised and takes a huge smile as he waves him towards the bar.</p><p>"I'm so glad you're finally coming to see me. What do you want to drink?"</p><p>Between the smell of alcohol and the dozens and dozens of bottles on display behind Mika, Eliott feels a little bad. It's not that he wants to drink, because he certainly doesn't want to screwed up, but it's hard not to imagine himself drinking a dry Scotch that burns his throat but leaves a delicious warm sensation inside his body. </p><p>A laugh resounds, making him come out of his thoughts, because Eliott would recognize that laugh among all. He turns around and sees him at the back of the room laughing while holding hands, probably because he has just hit a punching bag.</p><p>''Go join him.''</p><p>As soon as Lucas sees him, his face lights up and takes on a huge smile. So much so that his friends look at him and then turn around to see what makes him smile like that. </p><p>Lucas joins him and hugs him before kissing him, without ever stopping smiling.</p><p>''You came."</p><p>Eliott nods, not believing it himself.</p><p>''I came."</p><p>Lucas slides his hand into his and leads him to the punching bag. Yann looks at him, smiles and offers him a hand.</p><p>''Hi, I'm Yann. This is Arthur and Basile. Pleased to meet you."</p><p>Eliott looks at him, almost astonished, but shakes his hand back.</p><p>''I'm Eliott.''</p><p>The three guys smiles, because it's clear they already knew that, but they don't notice it.</p><p>"Lulu has the record for the evening." Announces Basile, showing the punching bag. "Do you want to try? Shall we play again, the five of us?''</p><p>''Is your boyfriend going to kick your ass, Lulu?'' asks Arthur before laughing.</p><p>''Oh, shut up, you idiot.'' Laughs Lucas. "Do the honors, my love."</p><p>Eliott nods and before he kicks the ball, he thinks about all the hard times he's been through and wants to leave behind, all those moments when he thought he could never be happy. But no matter how hard he hits the ball, Lucas is declared the winner, and Eliott is happy to kiss him goodbye and congratulate him.</p><p>''Maybe he's the one who's finally kicking my ass," says Eliott before laughing with Arthur and Basile.</p><p>Mika brings a round of beer and the five of them settle down around a table. Mika puts a glass directly in front of him with a smile on his face.</p><p>''Here, Eliott, a gift from home.''</p><p>Eliott hesitates but Mika smiles at him as she bends over to speak in his ear.</p><p>''She's alcohol free. I've tried it, it's not bad. I was sure you'd come by."</p><p>Eliott thanks him and raises his glass at the same time as Lucas and his friends for a toast. After that, Eliott talks a little bit about the film school where he will start classes on Monday, trying not to stress about this new stage.</p><p>"We only start on Tuesday." Declares Yann ''We could pick you up at the end of class and celebrate your first day, right?''</p><p>Lucas nods, placing his hand on his best friend's arm, while his other hand rests on Eliott's thigh.</p><p>''Ok, I'm ready!'' declares Basile as he finishes his beer ''Lucas, I'm going to kick your ass.''</p><p>Lucas starts laughing while shaking his head and Basile looks at the punching bag while sighing.</p><p>"Come on! I want to beat you at least once. Shall we play again every seven?"</p><p>Eliott frowns and looks around, but there are only five of them.</p><p>"Why seven?"</p><p>Basile puts his hand in front of his mouth and Arthur hits him on the head while Yann starts laughing. The hand that Lucas has put on his thigh since they have been sitting around the table gets slightly tense and as Eliott looks at him, he realizes that he looks stressed.</p><p>"In fact, the girls came over to help us with the move and wanted to see a picture of you."</p><p>Eliott nods, still not understanding why Lucas looks anxious all of a sudden. Lucas pulls out his phone and shows him a picture they must have taken earlier. Anyone looking at this picture would only see a group of smiling young adults in the middle of the boxes, but Eliott zooms in directly on her.</p><p>''Yeah. Imane told us that you were his brother's best friend."</p><p>Eliott feels tears rising in his eyes and shakes his head.</p><p>''It was in another life.''</p><p>''You only get one life, Eli!''</p><p>Eliott leaps to his feet because he hasn't heard that voice in what seems like centuries. Idriss hasn't changed. He may look a little older, but he still has laughing eyes, even if now they are filled with tears.</p><p>''I missed you so much, bro.''</p><p>Idriss pulls him into his arms before it's time to react and Sofiane joins them immediately.</p><p>''Welcome back, Eli. Don't ever disappear like that again!"</p><p>Eliott has to make a superhuman effort not to burst into tears and stays in the arms of his friends for a few minutes before turning to the table where Lucas seems to hope he hasn't done something stupid by forcing him to see them again. It's clear that if he had talked to him about it, Eliott would have said that he wasn't ready, for fear of being rejected, or of seeing that their friendship was long dead and buried, but in the end he's really happy to see that this is not the case.</p><p>''Guys, I guess you know Lucas, my boyfriend.''</p><p>Idriss and Sofiane bang their fist against Lucas' and then with his friends, before settling down around the table. Eliott slips his hand into Lucas' hand and brings it to his lips to kiss him on the top before whispering a ''Thank you''.</p><p>Lucas takes a big smile and gently nods his head before putting it against his shoulder. Eliott wraps his arm around his shoulders, pulling it closer to him before kissing his forehead.</p><p>After chatting for hours, and watching Basile lose to Lucas every time, and then Idriss acting like a winner because he beat Lucas, they go hand in hand until they reach the flatshare.</p><p>''Are you okay?''</p><p>Eliott looks at Lucas, who asks the question as if he was afraid of the answer, and kisses him before answering.</p><p>''Really good. Thank you. I'm really glad I joined you."</p><p>Lucas smiles and hugs him.</p><p>''I'm really glad you came.''</p><p>Eliott holds him close the rest of the way, until he has to let go to unlock the door.</p><p>''Are we going to your place or mine?''</p><p>Eliott smiles while kissing Lucas. For 10 days, he has been asking this question every night. They haven't slept in separate rooms since that first night, and frankly Eliott doesn't see why they would. For now, they let their hands and mouths discover each other, and that's more than enough to make him feel more alive than he ever was.</p><p>''As you wish. I just want to be with you."</p><p>Lucas takes his hand and pulls it to his room.</p><p>''I want you to be in me. I want to make love with you."</p><p>Eliott nods, already sticking his tongue in Lucas' mouth, excited by the idea. </p><p>''This is definitely one of the most beautiful nights of my life.''</p><p>Lucas chuckles and slides his hand between them to unbutton Eliott's jeans.</p><p>''Don't you think you're in a dream anymore?''</p><p>Eliott nods with a smile, squeezing Lucas' ass in his hands.</p><p>''Oh, yeah, definitely. I just hope I never wake up."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tomorrow: the apotheosis...</p><p>prepare yourself for the roller coaster: a lot of emotions are waiting for us...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Jumping into reality.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eliott wakes up with a start and panics slightly because he doesn't recognize where he is. He has often woken up like this after taking too many drugs or alcohol: curled up on himself in an unknown place. Often it was under a bridge, on a bench or in a park, but sometimes it was in a bed like the one he is in now, because he had illegally entered a houseboat. </p>
<p></p><div class="userstuff module">
  <p>A tear runs down his cheek when he thinks of Lucas and all that they both experienced. He sits in the bed, but he doesn't have to touch the other side of the bed to know that he is alone. He looks anyway, discreetly, almost wishing that Lucas could magically appear next to him, but the place next to him remains empty, so Eliott lies down and stands there, staring at the ceiling, thinking of his guardian angel.</p>
  <p>''Oh shit, are you already awake?''</p>
  <p>Eliott sits down on the bed and smiles in front of Lucas' defeated face. He still can't believe that he is lucky enough to see Lucas' sweet smile every morning, or like this morning, his half-grumpy face because everything isn't going the way he wanted.</p>
  <p>''Oh no. I get up for thirty seconds to go pee and miss your first wake-up call in our new house? Come on, go back to sleep, we'll pretend you're still asleep."</p>
  <p>Eliott stretches out turning to the side and Lucas slips in behind him giggling, wrapping his arms around his waist and gently kissing his shoulder.</p>
  <p>''Good morning my love, it's morning.''</p>
  <p>Eliott turns around smiling and takes him in his arms.</p>
  <p>''Is that so? Already? I was sleeping so soundly."</p>
  <p>Lucas laughs, straddles him and kisses him.</p>
  <p>''I love you so much. Sleep well?"</p>
  <p>Eliott nods while kissing him.</p>
  <p>''Really good. It's so weird not being home anymore. I mean, yeah, this is our home, but it's different."</p>
  <p>Lucas smiles as he hugs him.</p>
  <p>''It was weird for me too. And it will be even worse in the next three weeks. Three weeks, my love, do you realize that?"</p>
  <p>Eliott nods, but the fear overwhelms him immediately, as every time he thinks about it and of course, Lucas sees it immediately.</p>
  <p>''We are ready. Everything will be all right."</p>
  <p>Eliott shakes his head. Frankly, he thinks he'll never be ready for this. The worst part is that he was the one who wanted to do it, but now that the date is coming up, he's not sure at all. He's so afraid of screwing it up that he can't look forward to it.</p>
  <p>''I'm so scared. What if''</p>
  <p>Lucas puts his index finger over his mouth to prevent him from continuing.</p>
  <p>''No ifs and buts. Minute by minute, okay? It's gonna be fine."</p>
  <p>Eliott nods because he knows Lucas is right and everything will be fine. Lucas' face lights up immediately as he hugs Eliott.</p>
  <p>"Remember what you were like before we were married? and the first weeks with Louis? And you see, it all went well, didn't it? So this minute, let me just wish you a happy birthday!"</p>
  <p>Eliott smiles, embracing his incredible husband. Eliott is 34, and he can't believe it. Fourteen years ago he was completely lost and decided to give up, but now he's really happy. Of course, he's still afraid of screwing things up. He has never touched drugs again, but there have been times when he drinks too much and Lucas finds him totally torn up, unable to walk and puking his guts out. It only happened twice, but it was already twice too much. His episodes are sometimes difficult, and each time he is surprised to see that Lucas is always there.</p>
  <p>Lucas is literally his guardian angel. Always present at his side, making his life more beautiful every day, accompanying and supporting him in all the important steps. Of course, if someone asks Lucas, he will say that it is Eliott who has supported him in every step of his life. But the truth is, Eliott just feels super lucky to be there for Lucas. And that's why he asked him to marry him a little over three years ago, to promise Lucas that he will always be there for him. </p>
  <p>Because behind his self-confident looks, Lucas carries the wounds of his father's abandonment and is constantly afraid that Eliott will grow tired of him and find someone else. Which is totally unthinkable, because since he saw him jump off the bridge, Eliott sees only him. </p>
  <p>''Eliott! I'm going to be late! Move your fucking ass."</p>
  <p>Lucas starts laughing while Eliott rolls his eyes.</p>
  <p>''Louis! Don't talk like that! It's Sunday, you shouldn't be allowed to get up this early on a Sunday!"</p>
  <p>A grunt comes from the hallway, followed by a knock on their bedroom door.</p>
  <p>''Hurry up anyway. I don't want to be late! And when you have to work on shoots, you get up earlier than that."</p>
  <p>Lucas kisses him one last time before getting up and opens the door. Louis appears, smiling and then sighs when he sees that Eliott is still in bed.</p>
  <p>''All right, Louis, he gets up. I'm really sad not to be able to see you. I'm sure you're going to be perfect!"</p>
  <p>Louis seems a lot less sure than Lucas and that makes Eliott smile, because it's clear that Louis is definitely ready for the championship that takes place this morning. He's been training for months for this and he's just incredible.</p>
  <p>"I'm leaving in ten minutes." Says the teenager, "With or without you."</p>
  <p>Eliott shakes his head as he gets out of bed.</p>
  <p>''You need your beloved daddy's signature.''</p>
  <p>Louis rolls his eyes and Eliott laughs. He likes to tease Louis about it because every time he does, Louis sighs as he looks up at the sky, but he sketches a little corner smile. Frankly, when he smiles like that, it almost looks like he's Lucas' son. Eliott ruffles his blond hair and Louis sees his anxious look again, his eyes looking even darker than they usually do.</p>
  <p>''You're going to be great, Louis. Make me a coffee and I'll be right there."</p>
  <p>Louis smiles and gently closes the door before rushing to open it.</p>
  <p>''Shit, I forgot. Happy Birthday, <em>daddy</em>."</p>
  <p>Louis takes him in his arms, letting out a sigh before stepping back, a stressed-out smile on his lips.</p>
  <p>''I've already made your coffees. Go quickly, it's almost 8 o'clock."</p>
  <p>Eliott and Lucas exchange a happy look before Lucas walks to the bathroom. When Eliott met Louis at the association where he is a volunteer, he was 13 years old, had just run away from a foster family for the sixth time and had been living on the street for three weeks. </p>
  <p>When Eliott told him that he had no choice but to contact social services, Louis spat in his face and told him that he was just a stupid volunteer who would never understand what it was like to have a difficult life. So Eliott took him by the arm and walked him for 25 minutes until they arrived at the bridge where he told him his story. He had to show him an article from that time to show him that he wasn't lying. They settled down in the coffee shop around the corner and Louis told him his story. <br/>
He was born to a mother addicted to ecstasy and was placed in foster care as soon as he was born. He could never be adopted because his mother always refused him, so he grew up in foster care. He left the first family three months after his arrival because he was crying too much and was too difficult to deal with among the other three childrens in the couple's care, he left the second family when he was 5 years old because they could no longer handle his temper tantrums, and he was placed in foster house until he was 10 years old. He was put back in a foster family where he was abused by one of the sons and ran away. Since then, he has known two other foster families but he never managed to connect with them, always feeling too much and never safe, and he always ended up running away to sleep on the street before being forcibly taken away by the police. That day, Louis told him that he was less afraid to sleep in the street than in a house, because in the street he could run away, while in a house he was locked up, and to hear that broke Eliott's heart. He had felt trapped and lost in the street, and in front of him stood a boy filled with anger, with a hard face who preferred to sleep outside rather than let people take care of him.</p>
  <p>So Eliott took him home. With Lucas, they had been engaged for two months and had been living in their first apartment just the two of them for eight months. Lucas had already come home from work and when Eliott explained the situation, he hugged Louis before giving him clean clothes and sending him to take a shower. He spent the next ten minutes explaining to Eliott that he had no right to do that, that it was totally illegal to take a minor home, then he picked up his phone, without waiting for Eliott to try to convince him, and spent the evening calling their friends, trying to figure out how to help Louis legally.</p>
  <p>Thanks to Arthur's mother's best friend who is a social worker, they were able to become a foster family for Louis. Of course it wasn't easy every day, and Louis ran away twice in the first month, but they found him and brought him home. Sometimes Eliott thinks that maybe that's all he needed in the end: someone to guarantee he'll always be there for him, no matter what he does. After that, Louis changed, as if he realized that they would both always be there for him, and it was during the first episode of Eliott that he understood that it would be reciprocal. Since then, the three of them have been a real family.</p>
  <p>"Stop dreaming or I'm going to be late!"</p>
  <p>Eliott rummages through a cardboard box to find his clothes, while Lucas comes out of the bathroom already dressed. And nothing to see him like that makes him want to tear off his clothes.</p>
  <p>''Hurry up, I don't want you to be late!''</p>
  <p>Eliott smiles and gets dressed in a hurry. He drinks his coffee in one go, putting on his shoes while Louis is impatient at the door, kissing Lucas who promises to be there at 6pm with the cake, before their friends arrive.</p>
  <p>When they arrive at the pool, Louis pulls Eliott to the permission booth, but in the end they are not even late. Eliott never thought that one day he would spend the morning of his birthday watching a championship and that he would be happy to do so. While Louis attending his new college, he met Karim, and he became passionate about swimming, just like him. Since a year, they've been doing synchronized diving together.And frankly, Eliott never thought he would be so invested in it, but Louis never seems to have had enough. Lucas says he's a future frogman and they spend a lot of time at the pool together when Lucas isn't working.</p>
  <p>''Happy Birthday Eliott! So, is he ready?"</p>
  <p>Eliott hugs Arthur and nods his head.</p>
  <p>''Yeah. Stressed out but ready."</p>
  <p>"Happy birthday, bro!"</p>
  <p>Basile hug him, his cheeks red from running and all out of breath.</p>
  <p>"Didn't I miss it?</p>
  <p>Eliott shakes his head and nods to Idriss who quietly arrives to join them.</p>
  <p>"Happy Birthday, Eli. So, how's the champion doing?"</p>
  <p>Eliott smiles and taps his shoulder.</p>
  <p>''I'm fine, I'll always be less old than you.''</p>
  <p>Idriss starts laughing as he shows the pool.</p>
  <p>''I was talking about Louis. You're lame."</p>
  <p>Eliott starts laughing and then they sit down because the competition is starting. Several youngsters duos come by and do dives that look perfect but get average marks.</p>
  <p>''The jury is tough today.'' Idriss points out.</p>
  <p>"It's the regionals, it's normal." Answers Arthur ''There he is.''</p>
  <p>''They had better give my nephew a good grade!'' grumbles Idriss.</p>
  <p>Eliott smiles as he looks at his friends. It's incredible to see how easily they accepted Louis and how much they are attached to him now, and how much it is reciprocal. Eliott watches Louis climb the bars of the diving board, and like every time since Louis started competing, he feels like he is climbing a divine ladder, so much Louis smiles. The boy with the hardened face has totally disappeared, replaced by a laughing teenager with an angelic smile when it comes to swimming.</p>
  <p>Louis waves his hand as he reaches the top of the diving board and Eliott knows it's for him, so he winks at him.</p>
  <p>
            <em>The angel's jump.</em>
          </p>
  <p>Eliott thinks about it every time Louis executes it perfectly, before performing several figures exactly at the same time as Karim and entering the water smoothly, as if his body was melting in it.</p>
  <p>Everybody applauds, Eliott and his friends being surely the ones who make the most noise, when Eliott's phone starts to vibrate. He picks up the phone but he doesn't hear anything because of the applause. When it's quiet again in the pool, the only thing that resounds is Eliott's voice.</p>
  <p>''Is the baby coming?"</p>
  <p>The whole room turns towards him and Louis comes out of the water to join him.</p>
  <p>''Eliott? The baby's coming? Already?"</p>
  <p>Eliott nods his head while putting away his phone, joining Louis as soon as possible.</p>
  <p>''They can't warn Lucas. Okay, I'm on my way. The guys are taking care of you, okay?"</p>
  <p>Louis shakes his head as he dries quickly.</p>
  <p>''No, I'm coming. I'm gonna be big brother!"</p>
  <p>Eliott nods, and waves to his friends who are joining them.</p>
  <p>''Let's go, the baby's coming. Oh my god, it's now.'' He looks at Louis, who's smiling as much as he is, ''We're having our baby. Go get dressed and let's go, big brother."</p>
  <p>They have just enough time to see Louis' notes, and Karim promises to keep them informed of the results, as they run out the door. Eliott tries to call Lucas back, but he never answers, so he calls directly to work.</p>
  <p>''Fire station <em>La monnaie</em>, Maxime listening.''</p>
  <p>Eliott is immediately relieved because if Maxime answers the phone, they must not be on a mission.</p>
  <p>"Max, it's Eliott. I can't call, Lucas. The baby's coming. Now."</p>
  <p>There's a loud scream on the phone, followed by a noise, as if the phone were falling on the desk.</p>
  <p>''Damn, he's exercising, he has just dived. Go ahead, we'll send him right over there to you."</p>
  <p>Eliott and Louis run to the hospital, followed by all their friends and they all arrive, out of breath but laughing, half hysterical.</p>
  <p>''Calm down.'' Orders a midwife in the ward, ''She's in the delivery room, labor is fast, but you haven't missed anything. Come and get dressed. The others, the waiting room is here."</p>
  <p>Eliott looks at Louis, not really wanting to leave him alone, but Louis smiles.</p>
  <p>''Go ahead, Daddy. I'll wait for you here. Go get your baby."</p>
  <p>Eliott hugs him before following the midwife. When he arrives in the delivery room, Olivia their surrogate mother tries to smile at him and he immediately comes over to take her hand, but he really needs Lucas to come over and hold his hand.</p>
  <p>''I think this baby wanted to be there for your birthday. You're going to have to share your date."</p>
  <p>Frankly, Eliott wasn't even thinking about it anymore, and he's surprised that Olivia remembers.</p>
  <p>''I share without any problems. This date is going to go from the worst of my life to one of the most wonderful, and it's all thanks to you. Thank you. Thank you for everything you did."</p>
  <p>Olivia starts screaming, crushing his hand and Eliott panics outright. The doors open, revealing Lucas dressed in a hospital gown, but still wearing his uniform underneath. Eliott is convinced that he didn't take the time to take a shower after his exercise, and that he just took off his diving gear and put on his uniform, because he smells of dirty water, but it doesn't matter, all that matters is that he's there.</p>
  <p>"I can see the head. Right on time, Dad."</p>
  <p>Lucas slips behind him and slides his hand into Eliott's while caressing Olivia's back with his other hand.</p>
  <p>''You're perfect. You're so perfect. Thank you."</p>
  <p>Eliott can't see him because Lucas is behind him, but he's definitely crying.</p>
  <p>''If you want to see your baby being born, now is the time.''</p>
  <p>Lucas moves but doesn't let go of his hand and starts to smile. He's already seen several deliveries during his initial training and then when he worked for the Paris fire department before becoming a fireman-diver, and he even delivered one, so Eliott understands he's happy to see that.</p>
  <p>''Eliott, come and see, it's magic.''</p>
  <p>Eliott moves forward and backward without even looking.</p>
  <p>''No thanks, a magician shouldn't show his tricks, right? I'd rather imagine, that's enough for me."</p>
  <p>Everyone starts laughing before another contraction comes and Olivia turns scarlet red from pushing. The midwife looks at Lucas and smiles softly, and Eliott wonders how they all stay so calm when he feels like he's going to explode from the inside.</p>
  <p>''Do you want to catch him?''</p>
  <p>Lucas lets go of Eliott's hand and the next second, Eliott is looking at the most beautiful thing he has ever seen: Lucas helping their baby come into the world. Baby who already has a beautiful tuft of brown hair and who makes a powerful cry.</p>
  <p>"Eliott, do you want to cut the cord?"</p>
  <p>Olivia lets go of his hand, almost pushing him towards Lucas and the baby. He cuts the cord, his hands shaking, then looks at the tiny baby in his husband's arms. His gaze shifts from his screaming face to his body before looking at his ridiculously small toes, and that's when he reacts.</p>
  <p>"Is it a girl?"</p>
  <p>Lucas looks, having obviously forgotten to look, and takes a huge smile.</p>
  <p>''It's a girl!''</p>
  <p>They introduce her to Olivia and then accompany her to get cleaned, weighed and without him really remembering how he got there, he's settled in a small room, in an armchair, their daughter just dressed in a diaper, resting against his bare chest. It is as if he has just been living a waking dream, just letting himself be carried away by the movement.</p>
  <p>Lucas leaves the room, the nurses suggesting that he use a shower in the changing rooms and comes back about ten minutes later, clean and accompanied by Louis. Eliott captures exactly the moment when Louis looks at the little girl and opens his eyes a little wider.</p>
  <p>''He's so small. Is that normal?"</p>
  <p>Eliott smiles and beckons him to come.</p>
  <p>''It's a girl. And yes, don't worry, she's fine. You want to see your little sister?"</p>
  <p>Louis nods and slowly moves closer.</p>
  <p>''Hi, sweetie. You're lucky, you know that? You have the best fathers in the world. And the coolest big brother, who just won second place in the regional synchronized diving competition.''</p>
  <p>Lucas puts an arm around Louis' shoulders.</p>
  <p>''Congratulations big boy, I'm so proud of you.''</p>
  <p>''I knew you would be on the podium. Well done Louis."</p>
  <p>Louis smiles almost blushing.</p>
  <p>''It's a group effort. Karim was really happy. So, what's her name?'</p>
  <p>Louis gently strokes the little girl's hand and Lucas strokes her back.</p>
  <p>''Maeva. That means "Welcome.'</p>
  <p>Louis looks at Lucas surprised and starts to smile even more.</p>
  <p>''That's the first thing you said to me when Eliott brought me back to your house. You took me in your arms and you said, "Welcome to the family." That's one of my fondest memories."</p>
  <p>Lucas hugs Louis before he looks at Eliott.</p>
  <p>''That's what Eliott's daddy said to me the first time I met him.''</p>
  <p>Eliott immediately goes back in time to years ago, in this hospital room, when his father wanted to be alone with Lucas. He tried many times to find out what the two of them had said to each other, but Lucas never wanted to tell him. Until today, apparently.</p>
  <p>''Did he say that?''</p>
  <p>Lucas nods with a smile.</p>
  <p>"He asked me why I cared so much about you and I told him it was something inside me that made me want to do it, and I couldn't control it. He smiled at me, told me that it was the perfect definition of love, and the way you were looking at me, he could already says me "Welcome to the family". And he was absolutely right. When Eliott brought you home, he looked at you exactly the way his father looks at him and I knew you would become part of our family. Sometimes one look is enough."</p>
  <p>Eliott smiled and grabbed Lucas' sweater to force him to come over to him so he could kiss him. </p>
  <p>''Thank you Lucas. You make my life a dream."</p>
  <p>Lucas shakes his head as he bends over to kiss him again.</p>
  <p>''It's better than a dream, my love, it's reality.''</p>
  <p>Maeva starts whining and Louis starts laughing.</p>
  <p>''You're going to have to get used to this, little sis, they're always like this.''</p>
  <p>The three of them start laughing while Eliott is rocking their daughter.</p>
  <p>In the back of his head, a little voice wishes him a "Happy Birthday," but this time he doesn't feel like he's crazy, he feels like he's extremely lucky.</p>
  <p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>